210# for Last

Dear friends, sorry to say, this might be the last post. Pointless to write. I had enough of hurts. Everything is all in vain. What a great birthday I had.

Thanks for your guys who always support me but it's meaningless. Thanks to whoever that makes me feel worthless to breath in this world. Your guys are great. I'm so suprise to recieve this kind of birthday present. Thanks!

Lastly, Happy Birthday to a BITCH! That is me.

Cheers.

209#

I just woke up, and I haven't clean up myself yet.

I have too many things in my mind where I need to share with anyone that would listen to me.

Weeks ago, there's a guy who hurts me badly and I had made up my mind that DO NOT look for him anymore. Yes, I did not talk, chat, look for him for weeks. BUT, everythings are in vain right after I ring him last night. We didn't talk to each other but only a sms. Argh!! I ring him for few times do you know that? That is sooooo embarrassed! Why couldn't I stick to my mind, stop looking for him despite whatever happens to me? Because I get used to talk to him, chat with him, tell him what has happen to me everyday... I'm a failure. Slap me!! as hard as you can...

I knew I've tried my best regardless how you gonna say me...

I'm having a great stomache which makes me feel unwell.

Show you something. My candy nails. Cute kan? It makes me feel happy whenever I look at my nails. They looks like candy makes you wanna bite bite.



Have I ever tell you about a huge bananas given by my grandparents. The banana named Pisang Raja. It is so big so huge!! You would full after you take one. It grows at my grandparent's fruits garden where next to their house. Missin it badly.










This is pictures that I took it last night before went out to friend's house.



Talk about last night. Tsk tsk. I didn't make it to my friend's new lounge opening. It's because of my friends' mood swing at last minutte and one of them went to Kudat and a few of them went to Kundasang. I was abit moody because my friend has triple confirm from me if me and friends are going and our name will be listed in the guess list. I feel like I'm the one who ffk. *pengsan* mou ngan tai.. eyeless.

Mr A, the guy who super irritating by making lotsa calls, send those crap messages has stop his action. Hah! Finally....

BUT!!!

Here comes another Mr A. He's not irritating. Everytime when he chat with me, he will ask some questions that makes me scratch head, bingung and with the word 'har??' Every questions following by a complain. *pening then pengsan* Example: He asked me to blog about him. I refuse. He gets angry then he complains that I didn't appreciate him. Adei dei~

Recently, I got some missed calls made by 016 and 087. It's damn annoying. Somehow this 087 knew every of my phone numbers. I picked up then he/she/they hung up. Stupid hor. Never ever let me know who did it. I'm sure he/she/they will get it! wtf!

Ok, times up!

Friends

Friends. What does it means? Would they appreciate while you're always there for them? Do they treat you as a friend? Shrug. Confusing. What does xxx takes me for? I'm always there to help xxx despite of anything happens. I don't expect anything back from xxx. But why xxx makes me feels like xxx never treat me as a true friend. I did tell my other friends about what'd happen between me and xxx. They say, "xxx doesn't treat you as a friend, it's better that you keep away from xxx." Sigh. But I'd never did that before. I guess xxx wouldn't know what is going on..

I feel like deleting this blog. I mean the whole blog.

B S

Hmm.. Where am I right now? What am I thinking? What am I doing? I feel like I am at lost but I'm ok with it. Hahaha.. What the hell I'm talking about..

Well, I was about to start my healthy lifestyle. but it's failed. Talk about morning jog. I woke up on 5am, pitch dark and cold. Wondering if there's anyone who jogging, but satu bayang pun tiada.. Wanted to wake my mum up but she seems like having a sweet dream. Sitting down there and wondering should i go or shouldn't. At last, i didn't make it because I scare of those silly wild dogs. They bark and bite!! GrrRrrRrR...

5 days to go...

Empty heart. Begins to hate of these days. Yea, single life. I mean single available and single unavailable. Single unavailable, it is because your heart hold for someone but you're single; Single available means you're single and your heart hold nothing. Which kind of single life I'm having? bla bla bla...

Nowadays, I feel like I'm living in my own world. You see, friends around me are attached. Whatever they're doing, talking, acting are totally different than mine. I feel so....empty.. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to myself even they are around. I do feel excited and enjoy to chill out with friends, especially my close friends. But everytime they seems like busy.. Even if their gf/bf is not around, they can be super busy sms-ing with each other. After all, the session became so......quite and I feel like being BOYCOTT. Sigh. I really dislike it. Somehow I think it's better if I stay home. Sorry friends, but that is how I feel.

Do I really have to make myself more socialize?

Haih... How r?

Some people wouldn't feel sleepy after a cup of coffee, some people don't..

Things that NEED to be DONE

• Have to get the certified-true-copy for my SPM result.
• Apply the course.
• Renew my JCTIC membership and register for the Japanese beginner class -I've forgot the japanese- =/
• Clean my room.
• Minta hutang from the stupid guy.
• Book my air tickets and etc.

*pengsan*

Morning jog, exercises, drink more fluid, eat proper meals, more fruits or juices, sleep well... for a starts of healthy lifestyle. *winks*

I MUST STAY AWAY from-

• oily and high cholesterol and carbohydrate food
• supper -dear friends, do not ask me for supper anymore aight! a drink should be ok- ;p
• junk food. -no more keropoks-

There's another thing I prefer/wanted to do so much.. That is..

Shoppinggggggggggggggggg ;)

Ah! It's raining.. zZz.. and I feel like slappin' somebody. Tee hee~ Sounds stupid hor.. The somebody is staying opposite to my house. Consider as my neighbour hor. I have the reason why I wanted to slap him so much.. Not just me who wanted to slap him but I guess peoples who staying around him would like to slap him kao kao... Ok, telling you why. He is too gila.. gila sial one.. He shout, scream and yell almost everyday and night. It's so annoying. Didn't know what's wrong with him. Sometimes I heard some children crying when he's yelling. He thinks that he is the only one who stay in Beverly hor.. Ngai D*!!

Last time was a geng of karaoke queens. They can sing starts from afternoon till midnight. Adui~ It's killing cuz the voices like hantu eh. Tau tau ler if you ownself can't sing. Tsk tsk! Never Ever pull the moo moo naik the tree ler.. Haihh..

The point is..... the next block of mine got so many WEIRDOs! *giggles*

Help ~~

I'm wondering what's going on to my speakers? Why it's turn to a guy voice all of sudden?!! Any idea? I feel bad cuz NO MUSIC NO LIFE! GeEeEee.. Whatever songs that I listen, it's just came out with... duh~

Actually, I've got so many pictures to upload. Somehow.. my friend.. wuwuwu~ He's so FFK!!

Went out with friends to eat and to CemS for karaoke. As usual, I sing. Wow! I knew to sing a Indonesian song, 'Pudar' well. *bangga* Tee hee~ but.. it's hard to sing Teman Tapi Mesra. Yay! I'm rockers man. AHAHAHAHAHAHa~ ;p

Giu miang rRrRrRr..~!!! The guy still message and ring me. I'd asked my boy-friend to talk to him. TAK JADI because he hung up the phone. GrRrRr!! Imagine that someone keep ringing you everyday & night and send some crappy messages to you even you've already tell him off that you pissed off. Somemore the guy is kind of person who don't know what's the time he ring you. It's so annoying u know? !*&^%$#@!! I wanted to pick up the phone call and yell at him or whatever ask him to stop but I just can't do it. Why har? Not just to him but to others like Rayner, I used to ignore his phone call then he will shut up immediately. Now, he would call me once in awhile. Tell myself, IF once I super piss off, I will pick up his phone call, then i will let him 知错!!

Ok, it's time to sleep, I guess.. Mami ku sedang ngi ngi ngo ngo, ngam ngam cham cham. >.<

Nitez.

P.S# Didn't even notice that today is 20th. My notti brother and my friendsS' birthday. Nvm, I guess they are sleeping like pig. keke.. Ohyahor, no wonder my brother was like waiting me just now. Hahaha.. stupiak him.

-out-

Definately hate it!!!

Hey Mr A!! Can you please STOP calling me? STOP sending those crap messages!! I beg you, really. I had enough of it! It's so irritating. I can't even sleep well. What do you expect me to do? I've nothing to do with you and we've nothing to settle. You pissed me off and you asked me to forgive you sincerely then you wouldn't kacau me anymore? What the... Don't make me pick up your call and scream or shout at you. Now, just leave me alone without asking why! Get it?!!

GrRrRrrrr... !*&^%$#@!!!

选美不再神圣吗?

星期一,我到 Karamunsing Complex 做指甲护理及 nail art.我和那护理专家Irene蛮熟的,因为我是她的regular customer.我们有所不谈.

忘了是怎样的情况下,我们谈起了选美.Irene很愤怒的说:"那些选美的(佳丽)没有一个好!" 我先是呆了一下,然后再问她为什么那么讨厌她们.

她说道:"其实我以前和你们一样,很爱在电视机收看选美比赛.觉得她们不论化妆,所穿的衣裳都非常漂亮.但在我哥所发生的事情后,我对那些参与选美的女生相当徘彻.她们没有一个是美的!"

我问道:"你哥? 发生过什么事?"

她很生气地说:"在几年前,我哥交了一个女友,她曾参加选美.选美之前还好好地.谁知道,选美过后的她简直是判若两人! 她把我哥当成是什么? 赛前,要我哥做这样,做那样. 赛后就跟其他男人跑了! 把我哥置于死地! 跑了不用紧, 还叫我哥帮她拍写真!她算是什么?!!"

Irene很激动和我说了她的哥哥的遭遇.从此, Irene就对参与选美的女生很反感.她也不再收看选美了.我很惊讶.

世上各式各类的人都有.坏的人比好的人多,比比皆是.选美是一项非常神圣的事.内在比外表来得重要.同样的,有一颗爱心的平凡女生比一个外貌甜美却假仁假义的女生还要漂亮! 现在有太多太多大大小小,各式各样的选美盛会.但是有超过一部分的,都忽略了其选美真正的重要性.只要你有着'好看的样子,魔鬼的身材'就有机会当选.是这样的吗? 我们真的可以从一项比赛中选出一个真正美丽的女生吗? 决定权是在于观众.问题是,观众能在短短的时间内了解她们会是怎样的人? 她们是否为了争取胜利而隐藏自己真正的那一面? 若是这样的话,选美不就变得没意义了?

朋友们,你们认为呢?

当然,我也不是100%认同Irene的想法.并不是每一位参赛者的都是如此.

永恒的心痕

这几天清晨, 不知怎么的, 眼泪不听使唤地一直往下流.. 好不争气噢!
生日快要到了..
今年, 我渴望的, 不是什么庆生会, 有什么蛋糕之类的..
相反, 我要的是, 一个人到某一处, 安安静静地渡过..
我要我的心平静下来.. 再怎样的大事庆祝, 我也不会快乐..
我也不知道为了什么把自己搞得那么可悲..
我的愿望有三个.
一, 我希望我能够坚强度过每一天.
二, 希望家人健健康康,快快乐乐,无忧无虑地过日子.
三, 我能够忘记他.
今早, 听说妈妈要订蛋糕, 是给我和弟弟的巧克力蛋糕.
我对妈说, 我根本不喜欢巧克力.
妈以为我吵着要另一个蛋糕, 就向我说她把钱花在我们的生日上, 自己宁可挨痛不去看医生.
我说天啊! 然后, 我就骂她一顿. 对她大声说, 我根本都不想庆祝!
那时我背对着他们, 他们根本不知道我在流泪..
生日对我而说, 是非常重要.
生日一定要快乐. 人快乐所以才庆祝.
我很难过. 哪怕是一个微笑, 都是假的.
在生日之前, 我已经收到一份我认为最棒的礼物.
它叫心碎.
它是我曾经那么爱的人所给的.
收到这份礼物, 我也不晓得要如何谢他才好.
12月..
一个白色的季节..
我即将搬家了.
我希望能搬出这个伤痛.
祝福我.

八首歌,一种心情

• 假装多好 我只要 只想要 再拥有一秒 去相信你的拥抱 一直会让我依靠
• 爱断了线 于是我每天都想你的离人节 不再见面 不代表我 不再对你想念 你是曾经的永远 会永远在我身边
• 努力越过风暴 向着未来飘 我们才会遇到 感动的拥抱 你总是能知道 我的坚强剩多少 给我最刚好的依靠
• 暧昧让人变得贪心 直到等待失去意义 无奈我和你 写不出结局 放遗憾的美丽 停在这里
• 我相信找不到有比你更好的人 你心里理想情人是几分 是否也会有我的份 好想知道你的100分会给怎样的人
• 习惯是对生活的一种妥协 而时间却让我学会 难过时关上门 一个人流眼泪
• 我在幸福的门外 却一直都进不来 你累积给的伤害 我是真的很难释怀
• 我们曾紧紧拥抱 却又轻易地放掉 那种感觉很微妙 该怎么说才好

回应篇

雨一直的下..
看着他那一篇post,
心,还在痛..泪,依然还淌着.
他把我隔在友情和爱情之间的灰色地带, 让我不知所措.
试问这样对我公平吗?
我非常恨我自己为什么痴?!
以前的我,不是这样子的.
为什么变得如此软弱?
对, 他对那份爱的执著, 别人看了,听了会觉得伟大. 但那是过去的事啊!
我不再对他有什么期待... 也许是很难放下..
不过, 他让我知道一路以来他在想些什么...
或许,那个不是我要的答案, 但我试着去接受.
虽然我恨他, 但还是希望他可以开开心心的面对人生.
这里有太多太多的回忆, 我好想离开.. It's a matter of time.
或许来世吧, 我还是会选择当他的朋友...
或许有人会说,我的心窄,看不开..我逃避..
但这一切都不重要了..
再怎么努力争取, 我也试过了..
这就算是唯一一个能让我忘记他的办法.

以泪洗脸

感情, 本来是件非常简单的东西. 却因为妒嫉和心机, 而变得复杂并令人彻底心痛. 正当一些心怀不轨的人设下圈套,要你一步一步掉下来, 要你痛不欲生; 你反而得活得更加精彩, 更加自在. 快乐与否, 决定权毕竟还是在你手中.

是吗? 看不见他我会不由自主地想起他; 看见他我会更心痛难过. 我恨他!! 超恨他!! 为什么会这样子? 为什么我始终放不下他? 我没尝试过吗? 我的心灵被蒙着还是我再也找不到比他更好的男生? 我快要崩溃了. 谁能救我? 他到底有什么好? 喜欢一个人很难; 要彻底忘记一个人更难! 为何我那么难受? 我很害怕我会一直等下去...越踩越深.. 我无法将自己抽出. 心痛很难受!! 你知道吗?!!

".....If fate is kind for us, our own paths will become one..." 不会实现的美丽寓言.再念下去只会让自己更心疼.

不行! 我要把我和他之间的一切回忆给毁灭!!

今年的生日愿望, 不求些什么, 只求能忘记他, 彻彻底底地忘记他...
我相信它会实现的...
爱我的人, 也会认同吧?
上帝不会对我那么残酷的, 是吗?

是时候结束了..

Wake up on 2pm. I was tired and sleepy because yesterday went out for whole day.
This is the sad things. Kindly IGNORE this if you're happy.

Well..
I was eating.
At the same time, I'm reading the post. After the whole post, I threw away all my food.
It's turn me down and I am deeply hurt.
I know, it is meant to be.
I know, it should end up with broken heart.
and I understand.. what should come up the next.
I am nothing.
Hopeless.
The day before today, I am what I am.
Everything was real. No lies and No tears.
I should have notice that your ignoring to me.
The day after today..
No more calls, no more complain, no more stories..
True love?
I tell myself NO MORE!!
I have to be cruel to myself. No worries. It won't hurt that much.
Player? I am.
Liar? I am.
Loser? Totally..

梅花三弄

梅花烙~

紅塵自有癡情者 莫笑癡情太癡狂
若非一番寒澈骨 那得梅花撲鼻香
問世間情為何物 直教人生死相許
看人間多少故事 最銷魂梅花三弄

梅花一弄斷人腸
梅花二弄費思量
梅花三弄風波起
雲煙深處水茫茫

鬼丈夫



柯起轩~~~~~~~~
That was my all time favourite drama series during childhood.The Plum Blossom Trilogy : Ghost Husband. Actor, Lee Zi Xi was my idol.. Actress, Yue Ling so so kiut!! Uh~ I melt!! =p

Back!!

Halloooooo to all my dear friends.. Longgg time no see.. Miss me not? ;p I'm BACK!!!!!! I'm so happy because i'm home!!! Life is super duper boring without internet. You've no idea, i was like sooooooo gatal. Somemore i miss my bedroom at KK although it is small. I've no need to sleep with lights on. *LOL* Life is really normal at Tawau. Had proper meals, took shower before evening and another before 10pm, went to bed before 12. I felt like i'm so normal man. Hahaha.. Life is that simple when you're staying at a small town.

These few days were meaningful. I've managed to spend times with my grandny, my cousin yin yin & baby hong hong. Hong Hong is cute, he likes being hug. Big big eyes just like his sister. So jeng leng oOo.. Yin Yin, my favourite cousin has grown up but she is still remain her cuteness. Love her eyes because it is likes a pair of black commas. Hahaha.. ;)




I LOVE BABIES.. ;p

I guess i might grow fat because i ate alot. I ate my favourite mongolian chicken rice, gai tan cha(egg tea), seafoods, C.B.A & 1 char siew bao and 1 zu nyuk bao. Hah! Of course not in the same time.. I just love the food.


*prawns*


*Mongolian chicken*


*Gai Tan Cha*


*C.B.A*

I went to my 1st secondary school in Tawau, which is Sabah Chinese High School. A big different compare to last time. SoOoOo nice oOo.. I'm still remember the school anthem although i had been studied at 3 different secondary school. *grins* kinda proud of myself. XD



The second day, i went for a hair cut. eEeEe~ I'm not really use to it. I like my haircut as long as it doesn't looks thick.




What do you think? ;)

---------------------------
Someone are annoying me and i get pissed off. Cis! He was someone that i've ever consider to be with. Unfortunately, he talk craps toward me and he ruined everything. Sorry to say, i ignore you and i even off my number because i really hate that you hurts me. What?! You say you're just a doll for me to play with? I ignore you because i've found my own fun and friends? Tsk! Ridicolous!! Why would you say sorry to me after you've pissed me off? If you think im that f*ckin kind of person, why don't you just stay away from me! Shhss!! I said leave me alone and you asked me 'why should i leave you alone?' Now im telling you, it's because I NEED A SPACE FOR MYSELF to BREATH.

----------------

Thanks for the birthday angpausS given by my grandny and aunty. Muahhh~ Love you all. :)

You know, my grandpa wish to celebrate my 21st birthday with me. I'm touch.

*before leaving*

*eating the 2nd ice cream*

Reason

FACTs when i'm drunk..
* I will talk craps.. lotsa craps.. but don't go away, i might tell you a little secret about me.
* I will admit that "I am drunk"
* I can dance well. LOL
* I can't sing well.
* I will either cry or laugh.
* I will act crazy..

-----------

Can you give me a reason why i should be with you?

Don't say you love me, cuz you don't even know me..

---------------------

Hey, why am i that special?

*drunkard*

It's because i owned a big nose but you don't. Lalala~ ;)

See ya all next week. ^^

Happy Go Lucky

Wowee!! It's NOVEMBER!! My birthday month.. Wohoo.. Cheers!! It's a brand new life. I believe I could make it.

Peoples who pandang rendah at me....
Peoples who love me...
Peoples who afraid of me...
Peoples who hate me...
Peoples who never love me before...

SOON
... you'll change your mind and you'll get jealous. ;p
... you'll love me more.
... you'll get close to me.
... you'll ... still hate me. LOL
... i will prove that it's your mistake!!

Aha!! My friends who getting marry, Congratulation!! Sooner or later, i will be the next. No worries. I wish to be the most beautiful, most happiest, most HANG FUK bride in the universe!! We will wait and see..

;)

Lastly, Happy Birthday to Kingston and Clement.