There You'll Be

I am practising to sing this song nowadays. Its movie, pearl harbour's original soundtrack

When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad
'causeI was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

[CHORUS:]

In my dreams
I'll always see your soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
and everywhere i am there you'll be

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

[chorus]

'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

[chorus]

There you'll be

Beer? You suckss!!

Its just 8 something now. Why am i awake so early? First time in my bored life. Last night i drank alotss.. but i still remember what's happened last night. I was just half drunk. Half drunk you know? I did not dance cause the places wasn't suitable for dancing. But, if i dance, they all will thought i am drunk. I met many new friends. Was about 6 peoples. Am not good enough to remember names. I just knew some of them. They are Jeremy, Ian?, Juneo and Russ's uncle? LoL. Its all beer's fault. Met up Bibi, Sean and Stephenie. Bibi was wearing mini skirt, reminds me of my past. They all smoke. I was the only one didn't touch cigar. I did smoke. Second hand cigar. That is more worse than cigar hor. Many peoples including my parents wondering why am i not take any cigar even my dad offered me. If once i take, i might regret. My health isn't well enough to handle this. Besides, i dislike smoke.

During 'yum beer' at Upperstar, suddenly cames loud noises that really shocked me. It was like boom. Russ saw my shocked face. Funny hor. Well, it was fireworks display. We couldn't watch it, its hidden, because of the building. I like to watch fireworks display. *Gee* They are so worry if im bored. They tried hard to talk to me. Well well, i am bored and im quite but im just like that even if i hang out with my best best friends. So don't worry. =p End up at Cempaka Square. Sang a song.

Sang out my soul, sang away my moody...

Ohya, im half drunk till i left my 012 handphone at Russ's car. Nevermind at all cause nobody look for me except those persalah nombor.

An old woman stay at my house, shares bed with me. She is my grandma, dad's mum. Not I disrespect of her. Just because she is too "old" I mean her mind. She is trying piss off peoples around her. Im the one of them. Her unrespect "eldest grand daughter" Why im saying this? Just take an example, the case which just happened. My youngest brother, JS, he lied at us that he had finished his homeworks. Today is Monday. He should finish his homeworks(hw) by Saturday or at least done it by yesterday. This is one of my family's rules. Mum and I did ask him if he done his hw, he said yes, he did. I caught him lying cause i asked him to pack his beg and checked if he done all the hw just now. At last.. he took out 2 exercise books, and started his writing. He lied again! I scold him cause he's lying. Like my mum says, we should punish him if he try to lie at us again. I did not punish him this time, just scold him. At the same time, the old woman spoke out somethings that was totally RIDICULOUS She is out of her mind! She hurted me! She judged im wrong cause i scold my brother for lying us. WTF!! WTF!! Are you clear enough of what have you said? What the hell ya thinking? You have ruined most of what we had done to you including our love to you! Because tolerate of her selfishness, we've cancelled the plan back to Tawau for celebrate CNY last year. All because of her! I hate it!! She never understand what were the objectives behind of what had we done to her. That's fine. But she added craps on it. How are we gonna stand it?

After that, i told my aunt, Christy, youngest daughter of old woman. She said we should just let her. Im not going to tolerate with her. Nuts! I'm blameable and we should just tolerate with her nonsence and crap hor. Fuck it! Im not going to tolerate with her fucking attitude anymore. Its enough! Not to mention about my parents. Pity of them actually. My parents had enough of hearing those cruel words since the day my dad decided to move to KK. But my parents never say anything about that. Even a single words. Im sad because my parents think that is all their fault.

And now, i will shoot whatever in my mind.

All of you desperate of money! My dad then gave all his property to you all. And hell ya, what are you all still want from my dad? And hell ya, thanks to you all, cause my dad is the poorest one in the whole family. There is no love in this family and don't you all dare to mention a lil of it. You know what? All of you have no right to blame on my dad. BECAUSE YOU ALL LIVE WITHOUT LOVE! There's no reason to stay together when there's no LOVE! Its MEANINGLESS! Besides, it will happen and it's happened. Just the matter of time. My parents had enough of what you all blame on them. 4 years of blaming and it haven't end, talk bad behind each others from years to years...etc.. This is what you all called love? family? All of you just wearing mask. Once again i need to say YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BLAME ON MY PARENTS!!! Behave yourself and think deeply before you speak. Screw up family!

All these words came out exactly from my mind for all these years. Its hurt me deeply whenever i think of it. I hate most of my family members. They are too selfish! Never think of others. This feeling is following me from years by years. And it's hidden in my heart for many years. *shed tears*

Argh! Boredom

Boring!! Im boring!! Here's a jokes, hope could cheer you up!

Chu Kang ( PCK ) explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius.

Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?
PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjoyable because, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah !

Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men ?
PCK : Of course lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right?
Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?
PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, then someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not? Ehhh! Don't play play ah!

Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses?
PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow ah ! Use your brain, use your brainnn ..........
Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making love ?
PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah. Correct or not?

Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ?
PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your brain, use your brainnnnn ................................ you go and dig your nose in front of your whole class izit ?? Stupid lah!!
Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.
PCK : Aiyah ...... ," Best in Singapore, JB, some say Batam, and now, the whole world!" also ah!!!

The 90th Post

Many things happened this few days. Drive me crazy. I wanted to blog but i'm speechless. Now im staying at Ken' s friend, Edwin's house. I runaway from home again. Last night parents were argue with me. I mad and i hate of them. They keep scolding towards me like hell. I feel like shit. Nothing much to say, i leave my home with my 2 handphones. I runned and cried. They totally yell at me unreasonable. Wtf. Do you know how hurts am i? Do you understand why am i not taking any courses and why i don't drive? You just have no idea!

Ken called me. Guess i will go back to KL soon. No reason to stay here! Me and him? I can't seen his worry nor love. Its over. Right now, i have to made up my mind.

http://www.friendster.com/user.php?statpos=bc&uid=23649652 Check this out. I have no idea at all. Yet im blur. I found this during checking my friendster. They had vote me as cutest girl in the hub 2006 and cute girl of the month. Another 2 candidates are from Japan and Indonesia. With the 30 votes, I won the title. I felt shocked. Proud? Happy? I don't feel anything. Cute girl? *sigh* I don't deserve it.

I wanna...

I wanna sleep as much as i can
I wanna drink.
I wanna sing and dance.
I wanna shop for my new cloths.
I wanna swim like Michael Phelps.
I wanna write a letter.
I wanna draw and i wish I could draw perfectly.
I wanna travel all around the world.
I wanna post 3 cards.
I wanna cook.
I wanna drive but i scare.
Right now, I wanna hug someone.
I wanna kiss.
I wanna be love by somebody.
I wanna play with a baby.
I wanna have my haircut.
I wanna trim my eyebrow.
I wanna study.
I wanna earn money.
I wanna watch my favourite tv programme.
I wanna buy shirts for a person.
I wanna watch movie.
I wanna finish read the story of One Piece.
I wanna think and i wanna ask.
I wanna know what exactly in his mind.
I wanna...be with him.
I wanna be a healthy young lady. =p
I wanna see him and talk to him.
.... ...
I wanna do many things!!! I'm crazy!! Too bad, it's going to rain now. Guess i just can go to sleep. =/

Mum's Birthday

Today is my mum's birthday. Getting older and older. LoL! I haven't buy anythings for her as a present. She wants many things such as SK2, estee lauder, clinique...etc. Fuh~ Dad gave mum a suprise. He suddenly back here from Tawau last night. Tonight will going out for dinner. Sutra again... Not in the mood to enjoy those delicious food.

Yesterday kept sneezing like hell. Sneez until i felt pain around my heart. Hardly to breath. Not good at all. When i was half asleep, Ray replied my text message. It was 3am. Felt uncomfortable. Can't even move my body. Should meet doctor as soon as possible.

Well mum, happy birthday to you. *muaks*

Desirous of Love

Yesterday
Mum gave me rm150 for me to shop for Chinese New Year. Went out with my 2 friends that is han and Mei Jun. First time i met Mei Jun. A cute girl with her funny action. First, we went to Wisma for our breakfast and lunch. Fuh! Crowded in wisma. Everyone were busy shop for CNY. I brought them to City Fast Food which is the place that i ordered meal always during worked at Bonia. Im glad that their staffs are still remember me. The food is good but abit salty. *Yikes* Mei Jun and I noticed that a malay kept staring at me when we're going down by escalator. Jijik!!!

Shopping~ shopping~ shopping~

Talked to my friends who working at Bonia UOMO. Rose said I looks like a doll. What again.. Met my hotmama aunt while in the fitting room. She said i looks like a princess after i wear that dress. *laugh out loud* Paiseh because everyone in the shop were looking at me. Aunty, please control your volume k? I've bought a dark brown dress with a scarf and a brown shirt. Brown color huh for CNY? Actually, im looking for bright color cloths for CNY but it seems like i dislike those bright color cloths. They are really BRIGHT!! Reminds me of the commercial. Fung Sek Fung Sek~~ Bought Feminine magazine and reload card. I had finished all my money. *sob sob* RM150 Habis!!

We drove to KK Plaza and parked at Segama area. Fuh! Have to walk to KK Plaza. When reached side entrance of KK Plaza, i realised that i leave my wallet in the car. They looking at me with their angry face. Sorry... @.@ We're just window shopping. Hardly can find a nice stuffs at there. At the same time, Mei Jun suddenly said she was looking for a short lantern pant. She must buy it by today, she added. =.=" Couldn't find what she wants in KK Plaza. Suggested her back to Wisma and look for it. After that, three of us walked back to Wisma from KK Plaza. Damn tired. Luckily, she found it.

After shopping, both of them back home. Thanks ya for your accompany. ^^ After shopping, Kingston picked me up at the shoplots behind Cocoon. Picked Connie up and then we end up yum cha at Damai. Met up two new friends that was Ah Siong and Russ. Both of them were good old friends for Kingston. We talked, we ate and we drank. Kingston has became a dangerous people among us since he bought an electrical thingy. He bought it from a China woman with the price rm50. The original price was rm75. He tried to scare everyone with that thing. Like usual, he insulted me by calling me Jiao Bet Moi. *sweat* Sot sot.. Suddenly he asked Ah Siong if i looks pretty and suddenly asked Connie to cut and paint her nails like mine. Yaya, i know my nails are nice. *keke*

Last Night...
They sent me home around 10pm. Went online. He was idle again, guess he is sleeping. Took my shower and then chatted with my friends. We talked about shopping and how much we used during CNY, suddenly Dexter said my behaviour still the same such as like to spend money. He insulted me. Somemore he said i like to bully him especially when the time he broke up with his girl. What the heck are he talking about? Didn't you said it has been a long time since you had chat with me? Asked him when and what did i bully him. He said he forget already. Do you understand what are you saying, you moron! He was pissed me off. He has no right to say me. I wanted to clear it but he started his nvm nvm skill again. F*ck! I will not let anyone tease me!! Sorry no cure!! Start from that moment, i will ignore you for the rest of my life. You hurted me badly and i will not forgive you!!

Yes, i cried again. F*ck for being so weak. Im unhealthy, sick always here with me. Cried and cried. Who cares when im sick? Who cares when im sad? Finally, i called him. Cried more than talked. Sorry for awake you. The weird dream and what my mum said keep spinning in my head. Mum knew that im waiting for you. She told me how nice if a girl can be with the one who loves her more than she is. Its true. I told mum it is worth if i could be with the one i love after waited so long. Tell myself, yeah, it is worth. *hug tightly*

Memories

Fuh~ I had done most of the housework. Clean, wash, throw, mop and boil water.. Will finish the laundry tomorrow. Im tired and exhausted. After shower, quite relaxing. I am bored. Mum and brothers all went to cell group. I am alone during every Friday night. Friends? Dissapear from my sight almost one month. Bored place with bored life.

Hey, i found out my wearing nowadays wasn't black eh.. Like you say, maybe im trying to be colorful.. *keke*

Chinese New Year is around the corner. It's my shopping time! Hurray! New cloths, new shoes, new accesories....etc. Inside and outside ALL NEW! Talking about chinese new year, this year will be different. Not with parents, family or relatives or friends. Less Angpau. :((( The only reason could cheer me up is i will celebrate with one of my most important person in my life. Im happy when i think about it. I will be more happy if my VIP is here with me everyday and every special occasion. This is one of my new year wish. Just wish you are here.

In the previous year, i celebrated CNY with my family, relatives and friends. Kinda miss the day at Tawau. Miss my grandhouse at Tawau~the place which gathered all my family and relatives together during every special day. I miss my grandpa and my grandma too. Lots of memories appears in my mind. I miss them very much. *tears drop*

Friendship?

Current song: Shen Hua

Its raining outside. Had fried mee just now as my lunch. Not enough sleep. Im still sick but getting recover I guess. Can breath at least. I didn't see doctor because I know they will just give me some vitamin. I had enough of vitamins. Im wondering if those vitamins are working. Why am I still sick? As usual, im alone in the house. Two brothers are studying and mum went out to work? I don't know. I wish I could tell mum what is happening now and yet I don't dare to tell.

Eventually, a problem raised between me and Ray. I feel bad to someone. It just like im the third person in this case. Why things have became this complicated? I feel very very bad.. Ray, there's nothing much to say and you don't have to think much because it is not important anymore. Things had passed. Im angry of you because im the last person who knows what has happen. For me, its really unfair. Sorry no cure. After all, i think we shouldn't meet anymore.

Dear you,
Thanks for your accompany when im sad. Although it was just short while but I really feel warm. Im really hope you will understand what am I doing now. I never walk away from you since the earlier time. Im always here, always here with you. What they say are right. No one could replace you in my heart. No matter what they did.

Lackadaisical

Current songs: Thank God I found you

It's been quite awhile since I've blog. Im not busy at all. Im just sick. It's torturing me. I can't sleep well and breathe well. Last night i was quarrel with my mum about education again. Sigh. Sorry mum, i know you're worry about my future. You just don't know who i am now. Just let me decide about my future and what i am want to be. Soon, you will know what is happen. What i want is just your forgiveness.

I spent my new year at Mimpian Jadi resort. That was the second time i went there. Nothing much different than 10 years ago. The place was apart of my memories. Im still remember first time i went there with family and my cousin, Geviana and her family. *sad* Uncle wasn't here anymore. Few years ago, he passed away due to the cancer. Not to mention, Geviana is a clever girl. She was facing her UPSR during her father's death. We all were suprised that she able to score full A in UPSR and she got 3 years scholarship at Tshung Tsin Secondary School. She told me that was her promise to uncle.

It's raining during afternoon. But the kids still playing at the swimming pool. I went to massage. Its relaxing. At night, we went out to Salut Seafood Restaurant to take our dinner. All the way was pitch dark. Scary i might add. I think Gayang's dishes more delicious than Salut. After dinner, we went back to resort. They leaved me alone at the suite. When i checked my phone, i found out i've lost my tigger. *geee* Damn it! I couldn't find it.

Dear you:
Are you ignoring me? Seems like we doesn't have any topics to talk about. Is this what you want? Do you know im so scare? I'm sad and i hope you're around.. Talk to me at least. Im happy and i need you to know that i really wanna shares everything to you. I have loads of things to tell you. And now im sick, wish that you're care for me. Just a few words from you and a smile, that is enough. Perhaps what im expert are too much. Im really wish you can tell me that future is possible for us to be with each other. I have been waiting you for so long and i'll never give up.