Life grows more complex!

Im so tired.. Not enough of sleep. I just sleep for few hours. Met a guy during online, he was asking me for sex. He sent those sex emoticon tried to turn me on. Besides that he asked many weird question. Fuck off for those who asked me sex, you're just piss me off!!

Sigh. I'm moody again. Think about him, think about myself and think of ken. I've mad at ken because of what he asked me to do.. Thousand of not willing, thousand of unwanted.. I think of him at that moment. I felt scandalous and collapse!! Somemore i feel myself such a bitch! I really love him. My heart, my body and my soul...my all are belongs to him. No one could compare to him. In my heart, he is always the one and the only. Yet no one could replace him..

18th birthday!!

A warm hug and deep kisses from you could create an unforgetable birthday..

Today is my 18th birthday. It's excited and upset mixture.. As my friend says, 18th birthday should be grand.. For me, it doesn't grand at all. This afternoon i went to government registration office. After that i went to dye my hair. This two pictures were taken after dyed. It doesn't show any difference in the picture because of the light. Today rains heavily and i was just like...damn lazy to go out.. but at last i did went out for dinner. Im suppose to go out with my friends but thanks for the heavy rain, i've changed my mind. I felt greatful because I've recieved lotsa greetings and best wishes from my friends' text messages and testimonials. Thousand thanks for them. My back was still pain. Guess i really need to meet doctor again.

Happy Birthday to myself. =)

Boring clubbing night

Just got back from Razz. Finally i got back!! Damn bored at there. Friends asked me to dance many times, but i rejected. Unfriendly huh? I'm sorry.. Im just not in the mood. Somemore the band were just played those rock songs. Well, i did dance for awhile, it was totally sucks. Maybe because im not drunk enough. *LoL* Saw alots of peoples. Watched them dancing, moving here and there, talking, laughing... for the whole night. Friends introduce me to a guy, i just can say thanks but sorry, im not interested. Actually i went there just because i wanna find back my memories. Memories that i had lost. I'm satify because i found it. I met a new friend, mr. H, one of the Razz's manager. He was kinda ok.. he was the one who talk much with me tonight. He brings me to his office..well, quite scary..because just two of us in a dark office. *gee*

Another 20 hours is my birthday. No celebration. I will bake a cake to myself. I still feel pain on my back. *Ouch* What has happened? Im hungry too..

Rainy Day

I feel cold. I feel pain on my back. It's Friday night, alone in the house. Nothing to do. Went to haircut on Wednesday night, the picture was my new look. What do you think? I got different comments from my friends about my new haircut. Someone says i doesn't suit with the hair style. Somebody said i look mature, more cute & chubby.. Mum says i look more childish. One of them says i looks like a lesbian. *LoLx* She likes me. Thanks! Thanks for the comments. My new life has begin. Wish i could move forward and live without thinking of him. Everyone of you, please bless me. ^^

Rain with tears.

Another 5 days is my 18th birthday. Not in the mood to celebrate. Im confuse about my life, my future.. There's nothing to cherish about, only those memories i've built with him. My heart was filled by pain and sadness, empty of hope. I have been asked to forget about him. The truth is he never has any special feelings for me. Sigh. And now, i will made up my mind and i will try hard to forget about him. Of course, it is hard & really painful to know that it's never going to be the same again. Hopefully i could accept the guy as my life partner. So goodbye to you, my love.

Good day

Yesterday was a fine day. Tired but enjoyed. Went out with my best friends at noon. Have a drink at Yoyo, Damai. After that, we went to Wisma Merdeka to see my friends at Bonia. They're suprise to see me and many of them hug me. For them, i looks sick. Yes, i am sick. Many friends saw me at there. Yes, im very popular at Wisma. *LoL* So glad that they still remember me. *Grrr* Can't shopping because haven't get my salary yet. Said goodbye to my best friends at Wisma.

Met my friend King and his girlfriend, Connie at 5 o'clock. Went to the new cinema, Mega Pavilion to watch korean horror movie "Cello". Actually they planned to watch "Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam" but was fully seated. The movie "Cello" is definately scary!! It's bloody!! Im not allowed to watch horror movie but i've watched it till finish. There's some part, I half closed my eyes and ears. We're just a few peoples who watched that movie, can you imagine how cold was that? Laugh at my friend, King because he was the one who really scared among three of us. He cover his eyes and ears using his hand most of the time. While his girlfriend just shouted a bit. *LoL* It was funny. I still remember how Mi-Ju killed her eldest daughter. *yuckss*

After the show, we went to Sutera Habour to take our dinner. We left Sutra about 9 something. Went to King's house to send the food for his siblings. King wants me to take picture with his youngest sister for his mum. *LoL* I think I'm not really looks a like with his sis. But at last, we didn't take it because his sis kinda shy. *Hoho* Went to Lintas's SalimII to meet up Danny and Timmy. They keep made jokes on me. *Geee* Left there with Connie and we back home.

Sumary of the movie "Cello"
Directed by: Lee Woo Chul
Starring: Sung Hyun-Ah, Jung Ho-Bin, Choi Ji-Eun, Kim Na-Un, Choi Yoon-Hee

Former professional cellist, Mi-Ju, is a happy and contented housewife. She gave up her promising career for her husband, Jun-Ki, and her two lovely daughters, Yoon-Jin, a nine-year-old hypochondriac and autistic patient, and Yoon-Hye an eight-year old who’s mature beyond her years because of her sister’s condition. But one day, Mi-Ju's entire family is murdered and she is the only survivor. Having too much fear from witnessing all the tragic killings, Mi-Ju falls into a state of coma. When she awakes, Mi-Ju finds she is haunted by eerie visions of the brutal murders accompanied by cello music.

Screw Up!!

Wake up with my tiring body. My eyes was swollen. Both of my hands were cold. Tears on my face haven't dry yet. I had a nightmare again. The same nightmare that follows me from year to years. *shudder* It was about retaliation between two family. It's scary! It's really scary!! Im having a great pain in my stomach. Maybe i need to go to check again. Hope everythings are alright. I am home alone again. I hate of being alone. I need someone to accompany, to be with..

He haven't back yet. I don't know where he gones. Lazy to care, lazy to think, lazy to worry about... It just will make me upset when i think of it. He doesn't realise what is going on, guess he is having fun right now. He don't know im dead worry about him this two days. Worry for what? Heart break once again because i heard a girl's sound during talked to him on phone.

Have you ever worked and tried so hard, to make something work & worth while to have it all shattered in a matter of moments? Life is full of dissapointments. Don't set your standards too high, yet don't settle for anything less. I don't regret giving my all to that special person, You, because it made me realise how much more and what i'm really worth. I'll bear the consequences with you. I knew you mean it and i'm appreciate it. But you can't do anything. Well, just thanks.

Sh*t!!!

I hate of being insecure! It just drive my crazy! Can't get him out of my mind, can't stop worry about him, thinking of him. Worried that he might falls for others. Honestly, i have no faith for him and myself either.

Back here from KL, it just same. Boring as well. Have to do many houseworks. Helped mum because she is not really well. Wondering if im going to celebrate my birthday at here. =/ Friends asked to do so. I just hope i could spend that short but precious time with him. It's my 18th birthday, hope there will have something special.

P.S# Tomorrow is my naughty lil bro, Jeffrey and one of my SoPo best friend, Erinn's birthday, im here to wish them have a joyous birthday. *Muah to Erinn*

Innocent?

Songs: Oops! I did it again & Stronger by Britney Spears, Lady Marmalade from the original soundtrack of Moulin Rouge, Dedebu Cinta by Misha Omar


Well, this is me. This picture was taken on the first day i move to new place. My friends said i looks innocent. *shrug* Do you think so? I love my hair in this picture. Looks smooth rite?

Today...erm..i spend half day to shopping. Not many things that i brought. Next week will be going back to kk to take my salary and comission. Buahaha* I found out something thru friendster. A few of my girl friends has change become a tomboy. While 2 of them having a relationship with other girls. I was a bit shocked. Im curious about the feeling to be a les? Maybe i should try. *LoL*

Family Support Group of Seri Mengasih Center, KK is helding a Fantastic race today. But i heard it is going to rain. Hopefully the programme will run smooth.

2008 Beijing Olympic Mascots-Friendlies

From the left to the right: Beibei, Jingjing, Huanhuan, Yingying, Nini.

A set of five doll mascots for the 2008 Olympic Games are unveiled in Beijing, Nov. 11, 2005, exactly 1000 days before the event's opening ceremony. The long-anticipated mascots, which embody the natural characteristics of four of China's popular animals- the Fish, the Panda, the Olympic Flame, the Tibetan Antelope, and the Swallow. When their names are put together-Bei Jing Huan Ying Ni. Means "Welcome to Beijing."

The five elements of nature- the sea, forest, fire, earth and sky can be found in their origins and headpieces, all stylistically rendered in ways that represent the deep traditional influences of Chinese folk art and ornamentation. Each of the mascots also symbolizes a different blessing — prosperity, happiness, passion, health and good luck.

Boringggggggggggg!!!

Today i was moody. Kinda bored too cause he went to Nottingham for a basketball competition. Two of my net friends were kinda annoying. One of them piss me off, nearly block his contact. This is the his 'fat hao' conversation to me.

Nick says:

Brb.. wanna tfk..

Nick says:

hehe.. can't tahan already..

Nick says:

what r u doing there?

What the..... I hate this kind of guy. Why told me that huh? Yes, he is in my ignore list already. Sigh. Thought he was a nice friend to chat, but finally he broke it. There's another 7 person in my block list. I found out one of them was really desperate of sex. A big sex maniac! *geee* He tried to use another his another account to add me. deco10_dai182@hotmail.com & decomalih@hotmail.com are his hotmail address. Girls out there, please BEWARE of this sex maniac!

Sigh. I feel dizzy. Maybe im getting sick. Going to take my rest now. Ciaoz!

Dedebu Cinta

Di wajah curiga
Dan nada resah
Dirasa berbeza
Terima segala

Jika terlafaz kata
Saat kita bersua
Dalam berbicara

Mendung berlabuh
Dan terbuku di hati sayu
Bertabur dan berlalu

Oh.. debu-debunya pilu
Pergilah bersama rinduku
Tinggalah cintaku
Yang luka semula

Tiada kuduga
Akhirnya cinta
Di dalam senyuman
Dikau hancurkan
Impian yang terlerai
Nyata satu persenda
merantai di jiwa

Mendung berlabuh
Dan terbuku di hati sayu
Bertabur dan berlalu

Oh.. debu-debunya pilu
Pergilah bersama rinduku
Tinggalah cintamu
Yang luka semula

Kini kau tinggalkan
Diriku ini
Terbanglah pergilah
Debu-debunya
Cinta

Di hati sayu
Berdebu dan berlalu
Debu-debunya pilu
Pergilah bersama rinduku
Tinggalah cintaku
Yang luka

Terbuku di hati sayu
Bertemu dan berlalu
Oh...Debu-debunya pilu
Pergilah bersama rinduku
Tinggalah cintamu
Yang luka semula

Guess im leaving again

I have a lots of thing run in my mind. I'm considering. Should i or shouldn't i? Having headache though. It's must either leave or stay till the end. Im in doubt. Why i don't feel like leaving because i'm still worry about my family expecially my grandpa. And i can't get over the person that i love. My heart still waiting of him... Do you know? Reality wakes me up, he doesn't like me, how can he falls for me? I love him more than need him. Sigh. Tell me what to do?

Being Happy

Many things i wanna shares about.. Things are about my friends, my family, the new place i stay at now...

Sigh. I had ignore one of my best friend since few days ago. Doesn't mean to do this.. She is my best friend. I used to shares my problem with her and of cause she's too. I felt she has changed a lots. I am totally dislike the way she chat and talk to me. An unfriendly way.. Well, i remembered that day she was having the same problem with her boyfriend. Once again, she ignored her boyfriend. She was nearly give up. I knew she was upset and disappointed but she refuse to admit it. And I knew she is very serious to this relationship. As a friend, i can't just stand a side. I must help her although she doesn't wanted me to. I talked to her boyfriend, told him everything that he should know and what i want him to do. The next day, i heard that they are talking to each other already that's mean they're alright. At the night, the girl went online and ask me what did i talked to her boyfriend. I just told her it's not important since both of you are alright. She replied me 'ciu.. ........'. I was shocked! Actually that was not her 1st time she 'yell' like that. I told her b4 that I dislike she yelling me like that and ask her to stop it. But she ignore my advice. Ok, im gonna ignore her. Since that day i ignore her until now and she never talk to me anymore. Another thing is, sometimes she used my name and another best friend's name as a reason for going out to date with her boyfriend. Seriously, i dislike it. If there's anything happen to her, me and another friend have to bear the consequences. Sigh. She is still my bestfriend, i hope she will do the right things.


I am abit moody. Two days ago, i talked to my grandpa. He is not recovering but his situation became more serious. His liver grew bigger and both of his leg was swollen. Im gettin more worry about him. He need more rest because he is easily get tired nowadays. The medicine that doctor gave makes him can't sleep well. What i really mad is my grandma doesn't cares about grandpa. Sigh. Grandma, did you know that he is your husband and you should take care of him while he is sick? I hope she will 'awake' and it is not too late. I think i should go back to see my grandpa. Hope he is alright. =/

It is almost a week that i stay at the my friend's place. It is a huge house with a small garden. Everynight i will spend a bit time at the garden. Inside the house, there's many rooms. I think it's about 5 rooms. The living room is large. They sets a small bar beside the living rooms. Liquor..liquors.. =p The most interesting place is the kitchen. I can cook or bake any kind of food that i like and i can make whatever drinks i like. The ingredients all are ready. Almost every afternoon i having fun in the kitchen with kakak Tini. Yesterday kakak Tini teach me how to cook one of my favourite dishes~masak merah. It's delicious although that is the 1st time i cook the dish. Yum~yum~ My friend went out station and his family went to travelling. Just left me and kakak in this huge house. Quite enjoy spend times with kakak, cause she teach me many things. We always laugh crazily in the house.. =p Well, i have to stop here. I have to go downstair and see what's today menu. The food are irresistible. And yes im gettin fat. ok. ciaoz

Thinking of you

You were on my mind when i woke up this morning...

I've been thinking about you all day long, remembering your smiles..

and wondering how long it will be before we're together again.

I guess i'm missing you even more than I usually do..

Living in pain

Walking alone at the small garden, it was pitch dark. The weather is cold. Thinking what had happened these few days. It's really complicated. I cried. Cried because things doesn't works out. Cried because i feel lonely at this new place. He dislike sad person just like me. He treats me so nice. Im just like tie him up. I can't be so selfish. He has a girl that he loves. He should be with his loves one. He should lives happily with his loves one! I should let go of him.. Dear God, please give me braveness to do this..

Happy Birthday To You ^ ^

Happiness is many thing...
Loving, Giving, Caring,
Little jokes between us two,
Memories we're sharing...
An unexpected word of praise,
A sudden hug or kiss..
Special hopes and special plans
and special day-like this

Happy Birthday with all my love.

Lullaby: Waiting for you by Anson Hu, Po Xiao by Nan Quan Ma Ma

It's 6th of November! A special day.. Cheers! I baked a small chocolate blueberry cake to him but sadly cause no idea on how to send to him. =/ Wish him could taste it. Not really nice but i have put lots of effort and time on it. And i wish could celebrate with him. He is far away from me but he is deep inside my heart. I miss you all the time. *hugs tightly* Have fun at London. Wish you Happy birthday.. See you soon.. Muahh.. *yawn* Going back to sleep. Nite nitezZ!

OppS... Doesn't notice that today is Sunday. =p

P.S# You should listen to Po Xiao, damn nice!
My Birthday countdown: 23 days

I hate leaving!!!! I'm crying... What can i do if i stay? I don't wish you get into trouble. I feel regret. We're leaving each other so far.. I'm sad and down.. Friends were asking where do i go, im speechless. My dreams and hopes were broken. I just could say bye. *cry*

Last Day

Today is my last day staying here. Busy busy and busy.. I will go to his house at night time. Once again step inside his house and his room, memories run over me.. Sigh. I miss everything between you and me. I miss you deeply. This time would be the last time i be there. Hopefully there will be another chance for me. At this time, from my heart, i just wanna say I really love you.