28th October

My Birthday~ 1 month left. *excited* I wish could celebrate with you. I wish you're here. Wish could spend every second with you. That will be the most valuable birthday present to me. I miss you.

I can change my mind and i can stay, but why don't you ask me to do so? =(

Screw up working time

Sigh. Have to work until 9.30pm start from this week due to the Hari Raya Aldilfitri and Deepavali. =/ Arhhhhh.... Tired of working!! Not enough time for me to rest. Actually im feel tired, but i still will go online everynite. I want to chat with him. Eventhough he's having a lecture, no matter how late it is, i still will wait for him. These has become my habit. I just hope i could spend more time talks to him before i go. Not often i will go online after leave. I eat alot nowaday. Im gettin fatter each day. =/ No time for me to exercise.. =( What should i do? *sob sob*

Day after day...

Sigh. 2nd of November is the last day for staying here. 10 days to go.. I'm leaving. Leaving as how i plan.. Leaving here and leaving from your heart. I talk about leaving again. New life is unsafety. But i just hope it is alright. Since three days ago, we don't talk much. Maybe because we're too far from each other. Feelings between you and me is getting tasteless. Wondering if our relationship end like this.. Sad. I'm very miss you at this moment. Where were you?

Shopping Queen!!

I am a shopping queen today. Just today. Lolz. I had spent lots of money on clothing.. I like those outfit very much!! Looks sporty and mature after wearing it.. This time the color that i've choose was different than last time. I bought a white singlet with a pink cropped jacket, a brown and black office wear, a white long pant and a orange jacket.. All was about rm200. Although it's expensive but im satisfied. I wear it and show to my friends.. They said very cute and sporty and mature.. Haha^^ =p I will wear it on Saturday and Sunday.. Hoho! So bangga for myself. =p

Rainning Season

Songs: Ba ai fang kai by F.I.R and Because of you by Kelly Clarkson

Went out to C.P to buy long shirts to grandpa and visits him. He is getting alright but he is still can't breath well. Gettin worry and worry bout him. =/ He's very happy to see us because he feel lonely to stay in the ward. Pity of him. Money doesn't matter, as long as grandpa will recover. This is what i hope now.

I've enough of pains and hurts now. Why you wants me back after you've broke up with me? Why you wanted to care, to know what happens to me? Why do you want me to come back to you since you says i hurted you so much? Please don't feel regret when you've made your decision to let go of me.. I have no need to explain to you when the things had became a past tence. Sigh. Look forward! Be Strong! You have to go thru it..

The rain was my tears

It is a rainy day. I just got back from Sabah Medical Center. Im tired and sad. My dear grandpa has admited hospital due to the lungs infection this morning. Mum said he can't breath well. =/ He have to use a small little pipe to breath. =(( Sigh. Grandpa and grandma are very love me since i was a baby. Maybe because im the first grandchild in their family. I will get what i want from them. I miss the time that i've spend with them. Hopefully there will be more chances.. *tears drop* What i need for now is a warm and tight hug.. Feel insecure..

jealousy kills me

The bad feeling comes over me again.. Begins hate and hate of myself just because im still loving you and care and mind whatever you do! =( It is a hard time for me to forget you.. *cry*

I will not make the same mistakes that you did. I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery. I will not break the way you did. You fell so hard. I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far.
Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk.
Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side. So I don't get hurt.
Because of you, I find it hard to trust. Not only me, but everyone around me.
Because of you, I am afraid.

I lose my way. And it's not too long before you point it out. I cannot cry. Because I know that's weakness in your eyes. I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh. Every day of my life. My heart can't possibly break. When it wasn't even whole to start with.
Because of you, I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk.
Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side. So I don't get hurt.
Because of you, I find it hard to trust. Not only me, but everyone around me.
Because of you, I am afraid.

I watched you die. I heard you cry. Every night in your sleep. I was so young. You should have known better than to lean on me. You never thought of anyone else. You just saw your pain. And now I cry. In the middle of the night. For the same damn thing.
Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk.
Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt.
Because of you, I tried my hardest just to forget everything.
Because of you, I don't know how to let anyone else in.
Because of you, I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty.
Because of you, I am afraid.
Because of you. Because of you

The Love We Had

Reminiscing bout my blurry childhood. Clouds floating through beautiful blue sky. At that time you said,"i want to hold your hand. Taking you with me to end of time." Afterward i'm scared to look up at the skies. It's like my world has lost their colors life after that day. I've forgotten to breathe. My tears no longer here, here in my eyes. Our love we had has gone and won't come back. Until right now, silently i'm here waiting our love we had. I realized. It's a burden for you. It's forever, It's hard to let go of the last warmth... Your given warmth. Don't ask me if you still love me right now. I wish for my own freedom. Far away from the constrain lonesome world no longer alone.

Release Love

When you began to search for the freedom you want. You let go of our hands and took away my love. I didn't know what to do. I thought I would understand. When I walked to the end of time alone, memories passed right by me, taking away your love and smile. I am unable to bear the last bit of heart ache. Release love, release your hand, if you're heart is not there. Release love, don't wait anymore. Your tenderness is empty. Release love, open your heart. This time, i've decided to walk out from my memories and start over. Just let me get hurt totally and then wake up completely. Finally realized that love is no longer there. From today onwards, there will be nothing to cling onto. What else can i look forward to?....

I'm break down.. Totally.. =( *cry*

Please love our environment

Please love our environment
songs: why by M2M, hen hen ai by Vivian Hsu, can't fight the moonlight by Leann Rimes

I'm taking off today. Went to see doctor for check up. Doctor gave me some vitamin. She said im still weak and ask me to eat properly and rest more. Back home cause no place to go. So bored stay at home.. I just sleep and eat and go online.. Nothing special at all. Feel wanna go out for a movie but no friend can accompany. =/ I think i will go to watch movie by myself during this coming sunday. I feel bored of everything already. Wanna try something new! Yeah, i'm starting a new life soon. Sigh.

Reading an article 'Wyland's "whaling wall" murals. Wyland is a painter, sculptor, muralist, diver, conservationist and educator. He shares the beauty and the vulnerability of the oceanic world through his art. He embarked on ''Marine Life Art' works. In 1981, he created his first whaling wall and from then on, he concerntrated on protecting marine life. He set up the Wyland Foundation that actively supports educational, art and scientific research, and also places efforts on ocean and clean water conservation in 1993. In 1998, the United Nation honoured him as the official artist for the international year of the ocean. Wyland says "I decided after i had finished the first mural, i would complete 100 wall murals throughout the world. Hoping that my work can inspire more people to be involved in environmental conservation." To date, Wyland has completed 91 monumental 'whaling wall' murals throughout the United States inclusive of Canada, Japan, Australia, New Zealand, France, Palau, Mexico and Guam. He is really amazing.

Looking at a dying whale's pictures. Sad. Whose fault is that? For commercial and sporting reasons, whales are being hunted relentlessly by man. This brings about an imbalance to the ecology of the ocean. People should learn how to appreciate marine creatures and the environment because protecting the environment is also protecting your own preservation. Otherwise you may suffer from the consequences of your wrong doings. STOP KILLING THE WHALES!!

Calmed down

songs: endless love by jackie chan feat. kim hee sun, first love(piano instrumental) by utada hikaru.

I've been thinking alot during this few days. I guess i should stop it. I'm just tired. It has been a long time since i cried. I remember the last time i cried was the day you leave. I didn't cry doesn't mean im ok. I want you to love me! I'm totally screw up! That is also why im leaving. Stop hurting you and maybe myself.. You deserve to be happy..and have your own choices. Packing my stuff and looking my room and photos... It's time to go..

Love sees barriers

Why am i still suffering in this world? I'm stuck in here because of love. I gave my love to you, wishing that you could know. Somemore appreciate it. But i realise that im just one hand to clap from the beginning till now. I have a wishful thinking and now i have to awake from that. Is that what u want from me? I will do what u want me to. I'm goin to quit from your life.

Hate of you and myself!

*Argh* I'm gettin hate of you! *punch* How could you ask me to do such things huh? Have you ever think before the consequence? YOU NEVER KNOW! I hate myself because I'll never get you out of my mind. I'm such a fool! *cry*