30th September 2005

Today is BONIA UOMO's opening. Today is also the last day for my best friend working at BONIA. Wondering who is gonna send me home after today. Sigh. I have no idea. I've cough badly since just now. Been busy on my friendster's second account.

It is hard for me to make decision when you asked me to stay here. I can't stay here. I must go i think. My dream has changed. Now im moving forward to my new life. Dear God, please guide me to the right way.

BONIA UOMO and CR2

I have been kinda busy of work this few days. Check watches and belt stocks. BONIA UOMO Boutique Sabah will officially open during 30th October, this friday. Wondering if there's any special programme for the opening. Hopefully there will be a lion dance performes. =p Dung dung cheng~ CR2 was a shop which sells fashion bags, shoes and wallets. CR2 Sabah is also coming soon. Now it's still in renovation. Hope that i could see the shop's opening. Hey, check out t.a.t.u latest song's mtv >All About Us< What will you think?

Recovering I guess.. =/

I cough continuosly this few days.. It's still hard for me to breathe. Luckily my fever has gone.. Yesterday there's a guy jumped off from 14th floor, Gaya Centre building which next to my work place. I'm wondering how brave he is to make this kind of decision and what makes him end his life just like that? I wish i could be brave like him.. =\ I seriously fed up of my life. Miracle has stop me from thinking of that. My life having a great change since the miracle happens on me.

What's happen to me?

I'm still sick. I feel hungry all the time but i can't eat. I got nothing to eat. I can't eat oily food because im having fever.. Somemore i would puke after i eat. Sigh. I thought my fever has gone but it's still there. My health is getting worse and worse. Now im hardly to breathe and i can't taste anything. Too bad right? I can't take medicine as well.. Doctor just gave me some vitamin. Hopefully i can recover soon. >.< Sickness drives me crazy!

Dear God, can you tell me what should i do? Dear you, can you tell me what should i do if i stay at here? What will i get if i stay at here? Insults or teasing? Give me the reason to stay back..

Sickness...

I'm having flu, sore throat and headache right now. I had vomit twice today.. Not feeling well at all. I took many kind of medicines but doesn't work.. Sigh! Guess fever is coming over me.. =( Am i having bird flu? =x

I feel thankful cuz somebody understand my situation very well and she wants to help me. Anyway, just thanks.. Thanks cuz understand me. I will figure out my future by myself.. Going to sleep now.. End.

Wake up with my tiring body.. My voice has changed. I'm still sick. I'm stuck in my house wondering if there's anyone could send me to work. Most of my friends are working. Really out of idea! Mum went to an urgent meeting and she leaves me and my youngest brother at home. I have to look after my brother until he goes to school.

Miracle happens on me. Everythings has changed. I have to leave many things behind. Sadly, i can't realise my dream job. Yes, you can say i am running away from reality. You told me runaway would be the same or even worse than i think. Now I'm telling you im not gonna sit at here and despite of everything. I'm not alone. I have to find my destination and start my new life at there. Ain't need peoples' pity. I won't care of hows people look at me and think of me.. I will try to stand up again if once i fall down. I know pains are waittin for me. I will accept it as apart of my life.

Seriously, I fed up....

Hey you,
Things had happened, we can't avoid from it. Nobody wrong in this case. I.. I'm upset cause of what have you said to me. It just like you pull off all your responbility. Things turn worse.. Relationship between you and me are gettin end. I make my decision to leave. Everything between you and me will end on the day i leave. I'm sorry. But I still have to do this. From that moment, i will step out from your heart.

Being worse

Im taking my off today, im suppose to rest. But i has been busy for the whole day. Rush here and there. I went to japanese class for the last day. Graduated from beginner 1 and get my certificate. Went to public bank for sign up a saving account. Spent rm258 for an account. =/ Went to see doctor for body check up.. Send brother to Orang Utan Music Center, Lintas and back to my house. Kinda exhausted. Thought that i could take my rest after wash all my bags and shoes. Suddenly recieved a call from Public Bank's staff. He told me that i have leave my identity card and my saving book at there. Shit! I have to go back there to pick up my stuffs. Finally lied down on my bed, im taking my nap. BUT! at the same time, my dad's friend sent the cpu back. I have to look after the guy. Sigh. I can't even close my eyes for 5 minuttes. I being very tired and moody. I'm not ok at all. I need a space for myself. I drink everynite to make myself drunk. You can't imagine that what has happen to me.. I can't figure out whether that is good or bad things? Sigh. Yes. I am going to leave. As soon as possible. Please don't look for me after i leave. I won't look back. Seriously i fed up of everythings. I think of you. Sigh. I feel that im stepping out your heart.. That is not what i want. What is the reason to stay back?

You're sucks and You're such a BITCH!

You! I had never see kind of girl like you! YOU BITCH!Im going to shoot you! and you're gonna get it! I made me curse on you! I'm sure you will get pay soon! You will regret of how you treated us before!

Feel great if you're fine there. =)

I miss him very much. I had been waitting him to contact me. Lastly he messaged me on 10pm. He told me that he was doing fine at there and asked me be a good girl. I will, i promise. Chat with my cousin just now. She knew somethings from me. She was definately shocked and hard to believe it. Yeah, i do think everyone will shock after hearing that including myself. What to do? Things had happened and we can't avoid from the truth. Well, i just hope everything will be fine. Future is very far from me and i hope everyone could forgive me and my situation. Forgive me if i done wrongs. For me, i never regret what have i done before. I accepted it as apart of my life. Even if i couldn't get what i want at last, i will not regret of it. I never regret of knowing you, to falls in love to you.. Once again i wanna tell you that you're not my burden. Please save it in your mind. Im always waitting you. And please, don't predict our future 1st, you should seriously think again. Take your time.. I'm always here for you.

11st September 2005- the day you went away

Sadly, i sent him off just now. Damn sad and i cried. My tears dropped during he hug his parents. Im touched. We didn't talk much. We hug each others. Whispered 'Take good care of yourself and.... i love you' to him. I started crying on that time. Hardly control my feelings.. Friends asked me not to be sad. How could i do this? I just can't get him out of my mind. I keep thinking of him and missing of him. Now he's leaving, how could i not to be sad? I really really really cannot do that. I hope that everythings are alright. I miss you so much right now. This is just the first day you leave.

Yes. Yesterday was a fine day. =)

As what i've wish, yesterday was definately a fine day, everythings go smooth and nice.. Of course that was apart of our memories. Eventhough we don't talk much, but i satisfied. As long as you're with me. We shops together, bought stuff together, eat together and he took pictures with me. =) I bought a winnie the pooh's photo album, that was what he had choose to me. Time passed by, soon he is leaving. I'm still damn worry bout him. Gonna buy somethings to him, hope that he will bring along. I will miss him very much. Bless him in everyway.

Im having headache again. This time is bad. I hardly to see things, everythings was blur. Hope it won't get worse.

Went to center point yesterday, passed by Marie France Bodyline, saw Christy Chung's huge poster. Was staring on that poster for few minuttes. Wow! Her body is really hot! As he says, she is really a hot mama. Wondering if i could be like her in the future? Laugh out loud! Uiks, nothing is impossible right? Haha, am self-persuading.. Well, for now, i really have to maintain myself.. So that i could be like her. But but but, i still have to finish a few of mooncakes.

It's going to 3 o'clock in the morning. It's time to sleep. I miss you. Sleep well and tight and have a nice day. Nitez.

9th September

Stepping inside his room again, sitting in front of him, watching his sleeping face, hear his breathing.. My tears drop. Guess this is the last time i get here.. Sigh. We're leaving each other. Wondering what is his feelings right now. I knew he missing of her. I knew he really wants to meet her and talks to her before leaving. I think there's no one who really care bout how i feel. Im on the edge of death, do you know? I pretend to be happy but the truth is i'm suffering from pain AGAIN. Im a sick person that will hardly recover or i shall say won't recover. I wish there's anyone could tell me what's happen to me. It's rainning outside there. Will today a nice day for me and him? Hopefully. Wherever you go, wherever you be, i will stay the same.

It's rainning continously this few days, wondering if it's because somebody is leaving?

Watashi no koto aishiteru ga kureru

You told me you can't take back your feelings on her, same as me. But after last night conversation, i think i might stop loving you. Heart break again. Im wondering if im wrong of loving you? It seems like you will never fall in love with me. This is totally hurts me! I'm always ask myself why won't you try to like me more than you likes her? You judged the relationship between us. You never let it moves on. Why do you want to do that? Maybe i shouldn't love you. Soon, i will leave this sad place. Leave to a far place where there's no one knows me. Hopefully could start a new life and get recover from all my sickness. I might not come back. Somemore, I might choose to get out from your world. Perhaps it's better that i never meet you. Sigh.

Your caring or your ignoring?

I'm wondering why most of KL peoples still think that Sabahan lives in jungle? And some of them thought Sabah was in West Malaysia.. HuH? Where's KL located then? East Malaysia? =.= I think they really need to check the map before they argue bout that. Seriously that was really sarcastic! How could peoples come from same country and have so poor knowledge of other state? But Sabahan are not!

Listening "because i'm a girl" by kiss, i feel a bit sad. The songs was introduced by him. It's the nice songs.. Besides that, the mtv of this song is really touching. I love it.

......are you giving me your cares or your ignore? You tell me you really care about me but you never do it.. It's ignore that you giving me. Are you gonna left me behind? Do i really have to get over of you? Say NO to me ,can you? Cause i still love you..

Time is ticking....

My hair drop alots since last week. Im gettin very worry bout myself. I feel scary whenever i comb my hair. Guess my health is gettin worse than what i thought. Sigh.

Yesterday i spent my time with him after work. That was the 1st time i went to his house after he came back. The place was still same. I felt warm. Stepping into his room, it was not really different than last time. Abit messy because he is preparing things to leave. His sick haven't recover yet. And i damn worry bout him. Lying on his bed, the feelings was same, very warm and secure. Memories were surrounded me.. I smile.

Dear you,
I'm really appreciate of everythings between us. I need you because i wanna be more stronger in my life. I need you because i really care of you. I feel secure when you're with me. You are the reason why i'm here right now. Please save me into yr heart and mind..

"Cuz I'm A Girl

I just can't understand the ways, of all the men and their mistakes.
You give them all your heart, and then they rip it all away...
You told me how much you loved me, and how our love was meant to be.
And i believed in you, i thought that you would set me free...

You should've just told me the truth, that i wasn't the girl for you...
Still i didn't have a clue, so my heart depended on You...
Although i'll say 'i hate u' now, although i'll shout and curse you out...
I'll always have love for you,
Because i am a girl

Been told a man will leave you cold, get sick of you and bored...
I know that it's no lie, I gave my all still i just cry.
Never again will i be fooled, to give my all when nothing's true...
I won't be played again, but i will fall in love again...

You should've just told me the truth, that i wasn't the girl for you...
Still i didn't have a clue, so my heart depended on You...
Although i'll say 'i hate u' now, although i'll shout and curse you out...
I'll always have love for you,
Because i am a girl

I loved u so... now u leave me in the cold,
How could this be, i thought that u'd only love me...
Into the night, i will pray that you're alright..
You hurt me so, I can't let u go

You took advantage of my willingness to do anything for love, now i'm the only one in pain...
will you please take it all away

Never thought born being a girl,
How i can love you and be burned...
And now i will build a wall, to never get torn again
Although i'll say 'i hate u' now, although i'll shout and curse you out...
I'll always have love for you,
Because i am a girl
Although i'll say 'i hate u' now, although i'll shout and curse you out...
I'll always have love for you,
Because i am a girl

3rd of September

I got my salary by today... Sigh.. It's not enough to me after been cut salary.. =( I spent rm100 for my stuff. Quite happy while shopping. I likes my outfits very much and im gonna wear it on tomorrow. Im sure it is very nice..

Sad man. No business today.. Guess my boss will scold us after she come back.. Tension that im having. Sigh. It is no point that she mad of us because of no sell.. Everyone broke.. Everyone was waittin their salary. Im one of them. Broke after shopping alots.. I should learn to save my money. =p Im tired, really tired.. Tired of work and tired of my life. I guess i need a break.

I'm happy cuz he's back..

Today all malaysians celebrate Merdeka Day.. I just stay at home alone and watch the fireworks displayed. Different place with different feelings. I felt lonely. =p Went to shangrilla beach hotel with gogo just now. Facing to the sea, looking at the sky and the sand.. I thought of him.. I thought of we dance and playing on the sand. It is a sweet memory.. =) Wish that i could turn back the time.. He is going to leave far away from me and from my heart..One of our friends said that we're look similar.. We're mean to be together. Are we? I hope that is true.. I really mind if you like her, mind you look at her, mind you think of her.... I just feel bad.